I hate your face
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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