I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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