Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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