Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
