He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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