I hope mine doesn't look like that
he shaved USA in his pubs
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
