Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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