people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
