Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
