I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My life is pants optional.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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