you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
