So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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