I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize