I wanna bring you to show and tell
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
