i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
