a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
