Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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