Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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