Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
