Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
