so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
