the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
