I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
