i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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