It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
