I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
