Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
