if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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