my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
