My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i believe in u and ur pee
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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