I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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