Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
