His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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