I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
