Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize