Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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