I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
