The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
