She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
