i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
