Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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