Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize