You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
