There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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