We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
