I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the day after is always just damage control
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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