Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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