So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize