Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
