Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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