when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
