I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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