..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
4 words: hood of his car
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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