i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
