Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
