he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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