I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
