Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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