ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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