they're like a gay fantastic four
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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