And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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