Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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