Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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