I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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