my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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