the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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