Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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