What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
