I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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