You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
