: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
