fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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