I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
