i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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