Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You took a bar mat shot.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I had to cum in my sink.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
