um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
