dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
